The Size Of Our World

If the ratios are correct in that series of images, kinda makes you feel like being nice on purpose is so not worth it.

I am befuddled…yeah, I said it befuddled. This has got to be one of the lamest excuses for support I have ever come across. I know I probably don’t have to be telling you this but it just doesn’t happen to me everyday so I gotta.

Let me give you a little background before I go and show you the craziness.

My aunt recently had a drive fail on her 3.5 year old computer. So of course she called me and I lead her to http://www.newegg.com/ (the single most fantastic online retailer to quench that ever growing electronics addiction) and she bought a 120GB drive for an excellent price. As soon as it arrived she called me to come install it and perform a restore on her machine to get things all back up for her. I say to my self “piece of cake…1.5 hours tops.” Pop out the old drive, put the new one in, run the restore discs that came with her computer 3.5 years ago that also has every piece of software she ever purchased from HP on them. Voila! Just like new.

Sounds pretty routine right? …Wrong!

It seems that when HP makes a system if they don’t decide to waste precious space on your hard drive with a restore partition, they send you a bundle of discs. Though if something goes wrong with a piece of hardware and you replace it, you cannot use the discs. The system must have the “same” (explained in detail below, I think…) hardware in it as before, or the discs are useless. Making upgrading, and faulty part replacement non-existent.

Great, now I have to talk to a service technician to get the override keystroke or a new set of discs. Thinking this would be easy I decided to do the chat thing so I didn’t have to talk to some foreigner that would just piss me off more then I already am.

At the start of the conversation with him things seemed to look good. He talked to his supervisor to see if he could get a new set of System Restore discs sent out at no charge. I though, “Ok, they realize they made a mistake and are willing to help out, cool.”

Oh how wrong I was. Apparently the system is SO old they have stopped stocking the restore discs for that particular model, bummer.

Here are pieces of the conversation I had with HP service technician Mr. Allen. I didn’t know whether to laugh, get mad, or reach through the screen and rip his damn head off. Also, let me remind you it took him no less then two minutes each time to respond, sometimes taking up to ten minutes.

(I used my aunt’s name for the chat session, but I was doing all of the talking. To protect the innocent names have been changed. Lines in red are things I wanted to say.)

Helpless Victim: Are there any other options?
Allen R: Helpless Victim , at this stage , I would recommend you to get the operating system installed by Best buy , since very soon your Model of the PC will become outdated and you may have a problem with regards to the stocks . The preliminary sources indicate that we will stop manufacturing the restore Discs for very old model of the Pcs , owing to commercial viability and scarcity of usage .
Allen R: On any given day installing the OS by the Best Buy would be a best option , since they would have a copy of the OS with them to help customers in times to need . Since you have purchased the computer from their store , you are entitled to their free expert opinion regarding the issue , and I am sure they would be glad to help you , just as we have tried our best in helping you .
Allen R: Is there any other query that I may assist you with ? I am so sorry that I was unable to proceed with the shipment request today .
Helpless Victim: Do you think I am retarded? Just give me an unbroken version of the System Restore discs before I have to drive there and cause a scene.
Helpless Victim: Would I have to pay for the OS to be loaded at Best Buy?
Helpless Victim: Could I just have restore discs that only load Windows XP Home? I can install any other drivers I may need off of your website. Since I have paid for the license to use Windows XP on that computer I should not have to pay for another license and installation fees…
Allen R: I would recommend you to explain the situation that we had to face here today and also request them to help you in getting the OS loaded for free . I see that we are able to help to to the extent of shipping a restore discs ( Unfortunately we didn’t have the stocks available ) , I see no reason on why they would not want to help you in getting the OS loaded at no charge .
Helpless Victim: I just called Best Buy. They informed me that I would have to pay a fee…:^(
Helpless Victim: This is terrible.
Helpless Victim: No, I meant you are terrible.
Allen R: Yes , I believe so . I am not completely aware of the internal regulations of Best buy . But I believe that they should be able to help you . We have one other solution .
Helpless Victim: OH! Something else you decided to lie to me about. WHAT OTHER FUCKING OPTION YA DOG TWAT!
Helpless Victim: What other solution?
Allen R: Helpless Victim , I understand that you are going though a difficult phase now . I can understand the situation on the ground . Yes let me explain you the other solution .
Helpless Victim: Blow me.
Helpless Victim: Thank you.
Allen R: You are welcome !!
Allen R: Helpless Victim , let them know that the hard drive isn’t reading the old discs . request them to tattoo the Motherboard of the Pc .
Allen R: A motherboard tattoo is a unique code that can be written in the basic input/output system (BIOS) of a computer to ensure that System Restore or diagnostic compact discs (CDs) will work only on the machine or line of machines with which the CDs are sold. The tattoo process ensures that recovery or diagnostic CDs cannot be illegally used with computers other than those for which they are intended to be used.
Allen R: Hence , by tattooing the motherboard , I believe that the PC may succeed in installing the old recovery Discs on the PC .
Helpless Victim: WHAT? Tattoo a motherboard? When did we start talking about all that nonsense. Anyway it’s not a problem with my motherboard, it’s your piece of shit System Restore discs.
Helpless Victim: How in the heck do you tattoo a motherboard??? I didn’t replace the motherboard…
Helpless Victim: I am sorry I am being difficult, you have tried to help a lot. I just don’t understand why since I paid for an OS that is not obsolete by any means (it’s still being sold by HP) I should have to go through all of this. I don’t want to talk to Best Buy, I am talking to you.
Helpless Victim: Can you please tell me how to do this tattoo process you speak of to get the hard drive read???
Helpless Victim: This must happen more often then not…I cannot believe that a system that is only a few years old is obsolete.
Helpless Victim: Can you send me discs with only windows XP Home on it so I can use my license that I have paid for without having to talk to someone at a store which has nothing to do with my machine anymore.
Helpless Victim: I am tracking your location, I am going to be there in a few days to kick you in the neck, and take your wallet.
Allen R: I absolutely appreciate your full co-operation and support you have extended to me to help you . Well , the tattooing is done using sophisticated tools by a qualified repair technician . I am unaware of the complete procedure involved in this .
Helpless Victim: Bullshit. Don’t lie to me. Your life is a waste. You are a rotten person, and your son is gay.
Helpless Victim: My Son needs this computer for school…I can not afford all of this time and money. There is absolutely 100% no way that HP can help me with a software tool that is supposed to work with my system that they broke on purpose because they are scared of illegal copying???
Allen R: Helpless Victim , I am afraid not . However , let me try one last effort and check if there are any other method or help from my side . I once again truly appreciate your excellent support and co-operation .
Allen R: Thank you for your patience , Helpless Victim .
Allen R: Hope again at last .
Helpless Victim: I hate you.
Allen R: Helpless Victim , I have an important information to convey to you .
Allen R: Please let me know when you are ready .
Helpless Victim: Why do I have to tell you I am ready, do you know how a chat window works renob?
Helpless Victim: I am ready…
Allen R: Thank you . Helpless Victim .
Allen R: Our case has taken an unusual turn .
Allen R: I see that my database does not reflect the Recovery Discs at all , however upon checking the Hp -parts store , I still see that the part is very much order able and would cost you as little as $12 for the new recovery kit .
Allen R: Would you like to go ahead and purchase the Recovery kit from HP parts store ?
Allen R: http://partsurfer.hp.com/cgi-bin/spi/main?sel_flg =partinfo&template=main&cpric=&psrchmode=&partsrch=5069-3870&submit.x=3&submit.y=9
Allen R: Please open the above web link on a new Internet explorer web page .
Helpless Victim: FUCK ME! You have been lying to me the whole time. I KNEW IT!.
Helpless Victim: Excellent you do have it in stock. Since I paid for the recovery system originally and since mine does not work currently, what is stopping me from receiving that one for free???
Allen R: Well , the obvious answer for the present seems to be our database . In all good faith , I would have loved to ship you the Cds for free . However , my database seems to be riddled with some errors , and it would take time for it to get rectified by the re-search people .
Allen R: Hp Parts-store is a different division from us , and I thought I will cross check with them too and see if that helps .
Helpless Victim: REDRUM!!!
Helpless Victim: Oh no I am sorry, I should not have to pay for errors on your end please explain this to me???
Allen R: Sure , let me explain .
Allen R: Yes , thank you for your patience , Helpless Victim .
Helpless Victim: Yeah, thanks.
Allen R: Our database is designed to ensure that only in warranty customers receive he shipments . however there re a few exceptions to this , that allows us to ship the product with the consult of our supervisor if the product is just out of warranty by a few days . To towards the end of the shipment , we realized that the process isn’t getting completed and we suspected that the recovery kit has most probably been discontinued from the manufacturing line , since your Model of the PC is a very old Model of the PC .
Helpless Victim: I hope you trip on a rock next to a curb and are run over by a slow moving truck.
Helpless Victim: Ok, so now it’s a warranty problem???
Helpless Victim: Can I have a manager call me about this???
— Chat Session Closed —

Besides spelling my aunts name which was right in front of him wrong for half of the damn chat session the ignorant bastard closed it when I confronted him about his terrible lies. Now I see why they are afraid of people stealing software. I would steal that shit too if I had to deal with this crap all the time.

I will never buy another product from HP ever in my life. I will make sure to tell anyone who asks me to buy a Dell or something. Die HP…die.