I owe Tom $10 bucks…

It was worth every red cent! :^P

Highlights:

Yeah, the hangover was that bad. My head pretty much hurt all dam day. My uncle told me to drink water and force my self to eat. I drank and ate, that didn’t help so much.

Computers suck…like for real real not for play play. Why did I ever get in to this field.

When you do not know anyone at a wedding, you can be whoever you want to be. I was a photographer for the Central Intelligence Agency. Shhh…don’t tell my date, or I will have to kill you.

The Final Destination series are excellent movies. I think the director liked Mouse Trap WAY too much as a kid.

Highlights from the party:

Tom dressed up like a dirty hideous clown…and scared the hell out of me when I was coming out of the bathroom…I thought Melissa was nicer. What have I done to deserve this punishment. I hate clowns. They are so scary. Always laughing and happy, it is not natural.

I called Pizza Hut and they gave me the wrong number to the one that delivers, the fuckers. Well, not really…stupid Troy kept messing me up when I was repeating the numbers to remember it. It is all his fault the pizza sucked because some other pizza joint took the phone number that closley resembled Pizza Hut’s…the clever bastards…

Barbe came late…without Michelle…she don’t like me. Whatever…

Chick-Fil-A gives out free shit when you camp out the day before a grand opening…according to Barbe, according to people he knows.

Troy lost in Monopoly…so did I. Dam Barbe…shrewd business man.

Plus he took $5 dollars of my money, playing poker…what can I say Royal Crown is some good shit.

Nothing is better then freinds, Crown Royal, Chick-Fil-A, and Monopoly.

Drunk people can not do math.

I forget the rest…I am too drunk to care. Whats up with not being able to feel your lips when you have drank too much???

Love and happiness to all. Except people named Joe…dirty fags…they poop in peoples tubs y’all…

I hope the hangover ain’t too bad tomorrow. I got important stuff to do.

Ass…so unoriginal. You are not a worthy opponent. You disgrace yourself…

For your numbers of spam shall grow.
To the likes of which you cannot know.

I will excise you like a cancerous mole.
May the robot gods have pity on your soul.

This is for you osfan82 [AT] gmail [DOT] com.
I hate you, burn in hell, oh yeah and I had sex with your mom.

(UPDATE: Mr. osfan82 [AT] gmail [DOT] com decided to apologize for his actions. He asked that I take his e-mail address off of the site. This counts right?)

One day, your brain will not receive enough oxygen from your blood. This will cause the cells in your brain to be unable to produce the necessary chemicals to sustain an electrical charge.

One day, you will die.

Or will you?

You wake up from your cold bed, and yawn. Go to the bathroom, and while you are washing your hands looking at your self in the mirror realize that you don’t want to do it anymore. You have had enough. You are done. However, you don’t just want to swallow a bullet or drive off a bridge. Cause lets face it, dying is a bitch. It’s hurts and there’s too much paperwork…So, you devise a plan.

A plan for immortality.

I can only wish to go in such a great way. Seriously, how awesome would that be? Hanging your self, in a crowded area, around Halloween.

Let’s give it to this sick old broad. Congratulations, I applaud you! You made it on the 5 o’clock news, and into the nightmares of countless people. I hope this whole living forever thing works out for you. Too bad your dead…I bet you were pretty cool.

I don’t have a lot of time so this is going to be quick. I am off to play Texas Hold’em with the Thursday night bunch.

So, I just want to thank you to my Aunt Natalie. So…

THANK YOU NAT!

Her pumpkin bread is so pumpkiny flavorful and delicious…I wish pumpkins were in season all year long. Pumpkins must be magic, just like chicken, they are so versatile. What else can you make from pumpkins??? I thought it was going to be gross when she asked if I had ever tried it before. I mean come on…bread made out of a pumpkin??? I’m really picky. Then I thought pumpkin pie is good, so I will try it. She put a cream cheese frosting on it and popped it in the microwave for a few seconds and when it came out and I put it in my mouth it was love at first burn (it was hot like lava). She gave me a loaf for the work I am doing on her computer.

Unless you are allergic to pumpkins, (if you are, HAHA! More for me!) get your hands on some of this wonderful treat and eat the shit out of it.

I have seen a lot of optical illusions, but this one is very cool. Plus, it matches the color scheme of my site.

INSTRUCTIONS: Stare intently at the red dot in the center of the left block for about a couple of minutes. Once you’ve done this, look over to the center of the right block. It should act weird by fading out and flickering. If you move your head closer and further from the monitor (while focussing in the center), you should see some other interesting interference effects too.

See more optical illusions:

Skytopia
Ebaums World
Grand Illusions
Liquid Generation

Remember, if you cross your eyes for too long they may just stay like that!

My head hurts…

Enjoy!

A 93 year old driver goes 3 miles with body lodged in windshield.

The impact severed the pedestrian’s lower right leg, which remained in the street. His head and arms went through the windshield, while the rest of his body flipped up onto the roof of the car, Jockers said.

“The driver continued southbound, as the eyewitness said, like nothing happened,” Jockers said.

Jesus Christ, are you kidding me!!! If this is not a reason to take away old peoples licenses I don’t know what is…

Given this guy has been driving for probably longer then any of us has been alive he should be an expert.

This is just the proof I have been looking for. See! We should recycle them…

Note to self, NEVER go to Florida.

Steve, Don’t Eat It!

That site right up there (I read the whole dam thing) made me laugh hysterically for hours…bless you child, bless you for bringing joy to my heart, a smile to my face, and puke in my toilet. You will live on as a legend among men.

This guy eats the unthinkable…then describes it.

For example:

I know these snacks aren’t made for human consumption, but while I was in the store the ingredients list looked pretty tame so I wasn’t too concerned. Somehow I had missed one extremely dubious word sitting there all by itself. “MEAT”. That’s all it says… meat.

Meat is a pretty large umbrella. Beef is meat. Pork is meat. Horses, monkeys, and allegedly Arby’s roast beef are meat. Even Rosie O’Donnell’s ball sack is meat. Okay, maybe I’ve gone too far. I have no idea what that is they are serving at Arby’s, but you get my point.

and:

Taking a bite, I quickly realized the swatch of fat wasn’t chewy at all. In fact, it was eerily soft, not unlike my own swatches of fat. This was a blessing because less chewing meant less actual contact with my mouth. I think it’s fair to say it was everything you’d expect from a sliver of briney fat. It was also the only time in my life my brain formed the sentence: “I have a mouth full of cellulite.”

Oh man…I didn’t think it possible to dry heave and laugh at the same time…

Given that I am a human and most humans have the ability capacity to think logically, there are yet again some things that are confusing me.

Is it just a Maryland thing? Or does every key holding jerk-off in the country act like a complete idiot while behind the wheel? Add the fact that when it is raining you can multiply their ignorance by a factor of 100. It must be a disease activated by high amounts of moisture and/or air pressure, how else could you explain community wide memory loss?

I hate to say it (no I don’t) but it is mostly women and old people causing the problems. Womens incestuous need to be talking to someone constantly makes driving near them treacherous. Get off the phone whore…WHORE! Old people…I don’t even have to explain my self. So I will just say fuck’em they have been around long enough. Let’s recycle them into bacon, candy corn, or something more useful then their current state. Stupid old people…always wasting my social security money…

(UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that men are not without blame as well. They have been seen getting dressed and shaving, while kinda driving. However, I would like to stress that if they are doing that they are gay and therefore not real men. So it doesn’t count. Nice, try though…)

If I am in traffic for more then a few seconds, something/someone better be in a million little pieces up ahead or there is no good reason for it.

Oh yeah! While I am here, another thing that gets under my skin are those sappy “I Love You” messages on overpasses. Yeah, the first two times I saw it in my life I thought “Oh, that’s nice. Very unique.” Then when every long t-shirt wearing, dew rag having, Honda civic driving skinny redneck white boy from Glentucky decided to send a special message to their baby’s momma too, it got old real quick. Do you think that just because you wasted all of six bucks on red cups and you did it in the cover of the night you are romantic? Way to go pal! Your a real catch! Loser. Doing that is no different then writing her name on a bathroom stall door. Pick a new way to make your self look like a p-whooped bitch.

Why do people do this stuff…do they not realize there are other people in the world? Other people that will one day revolt and in the words of the great Cartman kick them in the neeutz, squa in the neeutz???